Who's that cute girl in the mirror?! Oh...it's me...??

I realize I've been on a 5 month hiatus from writing in this blog, and despite the hate letters, threats on my life and weekly riots outside my home trying to persuade me to resume writing (not really. I don't think anyone noticed I stopped) I just couldn't seem to get myself to sit down and write. Well good news folks! I finally had a thought that was too long for me to post in a status on facebook and decided to dust off the old blogging keyboard! I know you've missed my fat girl stories and pictures of food you'll never taste. ;)

Since it's been a while I'll update you that my total weight lost in 2012 was 63 lbs! (Go me!) And while I haven't lost anymore weight this first 6 weeks of 2013 I find it interesting that every time I look in the mirror I am surprised by what I see. Pleasantly surprised, but surprised none the less. I spent so long looking in the mirror to make sure I was presentable, but trying not to focus on anything specific because I hated what I saw. Now no matter what the scale or my jean size says I still expect to see a reflection that makes my lip curl up in disgust, and causes me to walk away with a feeling of "oh well, I guess this is as good as it gets."

Did I really act/feel that way and think it was normal? I've said this regarding other old habits or thought patterns as well but I didn't realize how much I avoided my own reflection until I started to like what I saw. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not about to start spending hours posing in the mirror, making kissy faces and telling myself how beautiful and awesome I am, but it's nice to look in the mirror and think "wow, I actually look pretty darn good." I've even done double takes if I catch my reflection in a store window and think "Wait, is that really me?"

Oh, us women and our body image issues...I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I've lost 63lbs. I've dropped 4 pant sizes and don't have to wear tops with the dreaded letter "x" in the size. I continue to order clothes too big for me, then laugh and shake my head when they look silly on me. I'm not saying it's a bad problem to have, I just don't understand why I can't grasp the fact that I'm not a plus size woman anymore. It makes me wonder if I'll always be a fat girl in my own mind, no matter what I really look like. HELLO STACY!! WAKE UP!