Day two and I feel like poo

(see what I did there? Two and poo rhyme? hehe)

Don't worry, I still made it to the gym! It would be awfully sad (and unfortunately quite like me) to give up after just one day. But I didn't! Somewhere during the course of the day yesterday my allergies hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm blaming the yard work I did, namely pulling up all the day lily plants around the tree in my front yard. I know I am allergic to whatever kind of lily you buy at the florist, but the day lilies never seemed to bother me before. Either way it was a good excuse to not mow my lawn today ;)

But since last night I've had it all. Stuffy nose, sneezing, itchy throat (in my opinion the WORST allergy symptom), itchy eyes...and I mean hardcore. I've had allergies my whole life and never had them knock me on my ass like this before. I feel like I have a severe cold. And this is with taking Singulair, Claritin and using a perscription nose spray. I know, I know. Boo hoo Stacy has allergies. But this is my blog and I can complain if I want to!

Anyway, I didn't let it stop me from making it to the gym from my strength training day. (Although I did ditch my gym buddy so I could pick up my prescription. LAME!) I warmed up on the elliptical for 5 minutes then kind of wandered around choosing random upper body machines/exercises to do. I need to get a better game plan down as far as that goes. We'll see tomorrow if I did a good job or not! I think I did alright. I was hoping working out would knock the ickies out of me and make me feel like super woman, but instead it made me extremely tired and I came home and took a nap. But enough about that! Lets talk about food!

Healthy Baked Nuggets with Baked Seasoned Fries and Skinny Garlic Aioli

If you read my last entry I planned on making healthier versions of chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner last night. I won't go through a full play by play but I'll just give you my opinion of the two recipes.The Healthy Baked Chicken Nuggets were awesome and really simple. Cut up chicken breast, season with salt and pepper, toss with olive oil then coat in a bread crumb mix and bake. I am definitely keeping this recipe around!! I'm also going to experiment with it to come up with a buffalo version since I'm a huge buffalo wing fan and they are far from healthy. I don't watch football, but if I did it would be a great game day treat!

 The Baked Seasoned Fries with Skinny Garlic Aioli were a little disappointing. Going by the picture and the seasonings in the recipe they sounded amazing! But I found them lacking salt. That little addition could make a world of difference in this recipe. The Garlic Aioli however was phemoninal!

Look at those expert knife skills!

Baked Seasoned Fries

 I also mentioned in the last post that I had made Low Fat Pumpkin Spiced Chocolate Chip Cookies. Incase anyone was wondering what they looked like, here ya go! Now I just need to find a recipe to use the rest of the pumpkin puree I have left over. The recipe only called for 2 Tablespoons!

Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Cookies

And if you've ever thought, "I bet Stacy made a really cute Girl Scout!" you're in luck! I found my old vest! It doesn't quite fit anymore but I can still rock it! Also, a glass of wine has cured my allergy symptoms (for now), screw you modern medicine!

Ya guys want some cookies?!

I finally made a 30 day comitment

Ok, so I finally decided on a 30 day plan to test myself on before committing to a 90 day program. I cancelled my gym membership and yesterday they let me know I have access to the gym until October 12. As I was getting ready for bed last night saying to myself how I should get up and go to the gym in the morning, how I'd feel so much better if I did (a conversation I have with myself almost nightly) it hit me. "Tomorrow is September 12, giving me exactly 30 days left to be able to use the gym. That can be my 30 day tester program!"

So, tada! My 30 day plan is to go to the gym every day for at least 30 minutes for 30 days. I will most likely alternate between a cardio day and a strength training day. As far as the nutrition part of the 30 days go I'm going to start by counting calories as I always have then switch to diet with mostly whole foods; lean protein, fruits, veggies, potatoes in moderation... I'll start that once I finish up the foods that don't fit into that category that are already in my house. I can't afford to just throw it all away. I'm also going to cut out sugar and mimimize dairy besides what I use in my coffee and minimize alcohol (after I just bought a 12 pack of miller light last night).

I went to the gym this morning and did 50 minutes on the elliptical in aerobics mode (burning 470 calories) and now I'm heading outside to do yard work ::grumbles:: I'm thinking of putting out an ad that reads

Wanted: Lover and companion who is willing to do all yard work in exchange for a well kept house and home cooked meals. Must be willing to keep up with the weeding, leafs, grass, snow shoveling etc...to keep the yard presentable during all seasons. I will help with in home maintenance and upgrades. Applicants subject to compatibility test. Send pictures and wooing description to JaneDoe@mail.com.

Oi...now I understand why people get married.

I made some really good  Low-fat Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies a couple days ago. You can tell their are low fat but they are still yummy with a glass of 1% or nonfat milk. Next time I would add more pumpkin spice to it though. I love the fall and can't wait to start cooking fall recipes! SkinnyTaste.com is my new favorite website for low fat recipes. Tonight I plan on making a grown up version of a kids favorite! Healthy Baked Chicken Nuggets with Baked Seasoned Fries with Skinny Garlic Aliol. Sounds amazing! I'll let you guys know how they came out tomorrow. After I get home from the gym of course!

Despite all my slacking and not staying on track I am happy to report I haven't gained any weight! Well, there was 2 weeks I weighed 3lbs less but overall for the last 2 months I've weighed exactly the same. Which is awesome. At least I know weight maintenance shouldn't be too difficult once I get to that point. Being aware of what you're putting in your body is very important. Once you get the attitude of "Whatever, it tastes good, I'm gonna eat it" and turn a blind eye then you're in trouble.

Alright, I need to stop stalling and go get my yard straightened out. Until next time!

Clothes Make the Woman

It was time for some new clothes...

 I had one pair of jeans, a few dresses, 3 tank tops and one cardigan that fit me properly. The rest of my clothes I would wear even though they didn't fit me right, or I would try them on over and over hoping maybe THIS time they would look cute and I could wear them. (It never happened) So I grabbed a friend and headed to Torrid and Old Navy and had a lot of luck in both places!

Torrid is a trendy young plus size store which I really didn't want to have to shop in out of principle, but I was the smallest size there so that felt great. The trouble with most plus size stores/departments is that the clothes are usually modified to fit a larger person (obviously). Elastic wastes, faux jeans, longer sleeves on t shirts, and all the tops seemed to be way longer then average sized clothes. It makes it difficult to be stylish without compromise unless you're like 50 years old. (Being able to wear whatever you want? What does that mean?) Torrid however is pretty awesome.

Anyway...I've always wanted to wear skinny jeans and they just looked awful on me, (my legs would resemble an ice cream cone) but not anymore! I fit in a size smaller then I thought I would, got to buy the style I really wanted and looked awesome in almost everything I tried on! (except gray. I look awful in gray) I think I mentioned this in an earlier entry but it again shocked me how much better I look in clothes that actually fit me instead of loose jeans and over sized shirts. Imagine that.

I could have easily spent over $1000! It's a totally new experience for me to look good in just about everything I tried on. I'm so used to getting excited if ANYTHING looked decent on me I'd just get it regardless if I was in love with it or not. I had to use restraint though because I don't plan to stay this size for more then a couple months and I don't want to waste my money. Now I need to go through my closet and drawers and get rid of all the frumpy, over sized and scrubby clothes I'm hanging on to for no reason.

For as long as I can remember if I don't have plans to go out for a specific reason I tend to dress in crappy old clothes or jeans and a baggy t shirt because I figure, who do I need to impress? Don't get me wrong I love my yoga pants and over sized Star Wars t shirt but I'm going to start dressing cute just for me. Going to the grocery store? Hell yea I'll put on my skinny jeans and off the shoulder shear white shirt with cute flats and feather earrings! Just got home from work? Hello boot cut denim and cute birdcage graphic t! It's time to start fresh! Slowly build a new wardrobe, a new style and a new me. I'm done wearing clothes I'm not in love with just because they fit. F that! Also...I want cowgirl boots...

So here's to clothes shopping being fun, motivational and ego boosting! I never thought I'd see the day! Hooray!

I'm a liar

Well, I still haven't started my 30 day test...

(I'm glad I didn't spend the money on one of those programs!)

I keep breaking promises to myself. I need to stop it. Sunday morning I typed out a long entry about how I'm not drinking any alcohol until my birthday and I'm cutting soda (diet and regular) and energy drinks out of my diet. Then ranted about how the food industry and pharmaceutical companies are involved in a conspiracy to feed us addicting chemical filled food that make us unhealthy then make a profit from the medications we have to take as a result of an unhealthy diet. (It was based on nothing) That afternoon I drank soda. And last night I had alcohol. I deleted the draft without publishing it...

This morning I went to the market (I've always hated it when people called the grocery store the market, but it seems fitting here) and bought some healthy produce while wearing my yoga pants inside out. That will teach me to get dressed without putting my glasses on.

I don't know what else to say. I just promised to blog more regularly so I'm trying. That's all I can do is keep trying.

30 Day Test

This morning I woke up to a comment on my last blog entry which read,

Hi there! I'm a new follower and have found your posts real and inspiring. Please come out of hiding! 

So here I am! (Thanks for the push)

For the last few days I've been toying with the idea of buying a 90 day in home work out program. There are quite a few options out there;

• p90x (too extreme for my current fitness level) 
• Insanity (even more extreme!)
• Power90 (p90x's predecessor which one description called "p90x for beginners")
• Jillian Michaels Body Revolution (a friend has this and really likes it. Especially because the work outs are only 30 minutes compared to an hour for p90x)

I narrowed it down to Power90 and Body Revolution because I need a workout I can manage or I won't stick to it. Power90 is less expensive, but Body Revolution also comes with a ton of nutrition information including a 7 day kick start diet and diet guidelines and recipes to follow for the entire 90 days. Now I know the two go hand in hand but it seems to me that Power90 (as well as the others) are more geared towards getting in shape, getting ripped and trimmed while Body Revolution also focuses on weight loss and healthy eating habits.

So after a day of research I was ready to buy Body Revolution, then I stop and made myself look at this realistically. I say to myself, "Ok Stacy, can you really commit to doing this? If you order this $120 package of DVDs and books is it going to be like all the other workout programs (couch to 5k, biggest loser DVD 6 week program...) you have started and given up on? Are you actually going to stick to this or will you start finding excuses not to do it?" (Yea I talk to myself, wanna fight about it?)

Knowing my history I couldn't make such a large purchase with a clear conscious. You may argue "Well if you spend that kind of money on it it will make you want to use it!" Which sounds good in theory but once the order is placed and I get the product I kind of forget what the cost was and only feel mildly guilty for letting the money go to waste. I already have a gym membership I pay for every month and never use. My credit card just gets billed everyone month and I only think about it when I drive by the gym and try to avoid it's judging glances. (I plan on canceling that in another 9 days. I had to wait for my contract to expire)

So here is my plan. I am going to put myself on a 30 day challenge. I am going to use a workout DVD I already have (staying away from the biggest loser. WAY too many lunges) or pick a cheap one up at Job Lot and start counting calories religiously again. It will be a test for myself. If I can stick to a 30 day program then I know I will be able to stick to a 90 day program. I'm sure whatever I come up with won't be nearly as rigorous or strict at the Body Revolution program but it's mostly just to prove to myself that I can make the commitment.

Once I come up with a more exact plan I will update you with what that plan will be. And after the 30 days I will decide if I want to purchase a 90 day program or not. I also plan to use this blog as a tool to keep me in check.

So here I am! I am coming out of hiding! It seems I've chosen a path, or at least a direction to head in. Now it's time to take my dog and go for a hike on this beautiful day!

Sulking at the Crossroads

It makes me sad to admit this, but for most of the week I have been happiest at work. I'm forced to interact and joke around with people (like it's such a chore to be silly?) and it keeps my mind off of things. On the other hand I have also been very distracted at work by the same thoughts I'm trying to keep my mind off of and have had to make a conscious effort to hold back tears because if anyone were to ask me what was wrong I think I would lose it...

Why am I stuck on such a roller coaster of emotions lately? Strapped in and nauseous begging to be let off and denied by some unseen amusement park attendant. Is it because I'm always trying to talk myself out of feeling certain ways? To reason with myself, distract myself, even lie to myself so I don't have to face sadness? I've become a pro at lying to myself.

Why is there always such a battle between my heart and my mind? Why can't they live in peace? My heart knows what it wants, and my mind is always trying to convince it other wise whether out of protection because my mind knows I can't have what my heart so desperately wants or just to make daily life a little easier. But no matter how clever my mind can be my heart always knows the truth and ends up resenting my mind for trying to convince it otherwise.

I try to be so strong. I think I probably come across strong. But I'm weak. Fragile and weak. We all are I suppose. I wish I could find strength and peace within myself. I don't want to feel how I feel, or think how I think. I want to be carefree. Carefree...to not care. AT ALL. Wouldn't life be so much easier if you didn't care?

One minute I want to rewind time and change decisions I've made. The next I try to tell myself to look at the past fondly. To learn from my mistakes but smile at the memories. I can't do either. I want to fast forward to a place of contentment, whatever path it takes to get my there. But I can't do that either. Regardless I need to chose a path, any path, and follow it instead sitting in the crossroads with my knees pulled to my chest sulking, wishing things were different. No one likes a cry baby.

MAN UP STACY!

Oh yea, on a more positive note I stayed on track with my diet this week and lost 2lbs :) Only 2.3 more to go and I've reached my next goal! I got this!

Close your eyes and feel the rain

I just took the most amazing walk at city park.

In between the police sirens, chainsaws and planes flying over head I allowed myself to get lost in a whole other world. I got about 1/2 mile into the walk when it started to rain and my tedious bothersome exercise became a peaceful relaxing journey full of life and beauty. I slowed my pace to a stroll and really started to take in my surroundings. The hypnotizing sound of the rain splashing on the leafs. The wonderfully intoxicating aroma of the wild flowers growing on either side of the path. The abundant life growing from a ground full of leaves of seasons passed and fallen branches. I saw two perfectly curved vines intertwined to form the shape of an eye creating the perfect frame for the trees and water beyond.

From the young fragile saplings to the towering sturdy trees providing temporary coverage from the rain, I took everything in. I saw art. I saw beauty. I felt tranquility. I closed my eyes and looked to the sky as I walked and felt the rain hit my face. I smiled.

The rain continues as I sit here on the wet grass under the low lying coverage of a tree. Lillie is exploring the field in front of me. Bright yellow buttercups grow to my right. I don't want to to leave. But alas, I have lasagna waiting at my moms house.

No One Likes Detours

Well, it's been almost a month since my last entry. (Unless you count my awful anti-love rant that has since been removed. Sorry folks, it was a bad week. haha) I have a ton of stuff I could write about, but I'm sure no one wants to read a novel about my July activities so I'll just give a quick recap, more for the future me then anything else.
(There is a quality entry after all these pictures, skip ahead if you'd like)

I had people over for the 4th of July. It was fun.

I had fresh bruschetta and watermelon martinis with mom one day.

I went to Mystic Aquarium with a couple friends. It was a really fun summer day trip. After Mystic we grabbed food in Narragansett, drove around enjoying the beautiful weather and finished the night at Fat Belly's in Warwick where I enjoyed a delicious Strawberry Milkshake Martini! Yum!

There was a crazy storm one afternoon and a large portion of one of my trees broke and fell into the street. Fortunately it didn't damage anything. And since it was blocking the street the city came and took care of it for me :)

Lillie and I hid in my room...

 

Last weekend I went to a friend's bridal shower. The theme was vintage tea party and I went all out getting dressed up. I curled my hair, applied vintage makeup and bought a dress. I'd like to practice my vintage look and maybe do it more often. Unfortunately the baby blue contacts I wore that day I can't wear anymore. I had bought them along with purple and green pairs online and one of them did some nice damage to my eyes and one even got infected. So...no more awesome colored eyes for me :(

Her mom did a wonderful job with everything. The table looked beautiful and she went to antique stores to get all the tea sets she used for the table and as favors. I LOVE the one with the yellow flowers!

 

And finally, step two of the beer brewing process (bottling) is complete! We chose the name Spontaneous Bierleichen (German for "beer corpse") since it's an Oktoberfest, we spontaneously decided to brew it and if you drink too much you'll become a beer corpse! (I guess...?)  Honestly, I probably won't even like the beer. I'm not a big fan of Oktoberfest. But it was still fun to be part of the brewing process.

Summer Vacation 2012

Well, the rest of my vacation was even more fabulous then the beginning of it. I was able to shift my thinking and priorities and get myself out of that little mental rut I was in. I cooked, spent time outside, played games, saw friends and just relaxed. I really needed this break from work and I went back in Saturday with a positive attitude.

I find it amusing that on my vacation from the kitchen I was most excited to cook. I guess food and cooking is a bigger passion for me then I like to admit. First I was craving meatballs, so I found a recipe for Italian Turkey Meatballs and made them at like 9pm on Monday night. I wasn't even hungry by the time they were done, but they came out delicious. I definitely couldn't tell they were turkey.

My next cooking project was Chocolate Mint Bars. It was a two day process (mostly because I started at like 8 at night), and mine didn't come out like the picture on the website but they sure were yummy! Though I'm not sure how healthy they really were despite coming from the Cooking Light website. The base of the bar was a cake type mix made from scratch. Once that was baked and cooled the mint layer was added, then a glaze (butter and chocolate...where's the light part of this?). I still have some, I should probably throw them away but come on now. There are starving children in Africa!! (That's good justification right?)

The next morning I made myself a brunch fit for a queen! (I woke up too late for breakfast) I'm a huge fan of quiche but it is NOT a healthy dish. If you're not familiar with it, it's basically a 1/2 egg, 1/2 cream omelet inside a pie crust. Delicious, but not figure friendly. So I found a recipe for Caramelized Onion, Spinach and Feta Quiche. It uses bread stick dough instead of pie crust (I just can't get into the whole crustless quiche thing. It just isn't the same), skim milk instead of cream and substituted egg whites for a couple of the eggs. It was really good for being a "light" version. I ate it all week! (Well I ate all these things all week. What else was I supposed to do with it?)

All these recipes were great, but the one I was looking forward to from the moment I saw it was Oven "Fried" Pickles with Skinny Herb Buttermilk Ranch Dip. I'm sorry to say I was pretty disappointed in them. The dip was amazing, but the pickles were only so-so. The first batch of breading was ridiculously salty (probably our mistake, not the recipes), and while the second batch was better, they still weren't that great. They were nice and crispy which can be hard to do with mock fried items, and we still ate most of them but they just didn't live up to the hype I had created about them.

So even with a week full of all this yummy food, not counting calories and not exercising I still somehow managed to lose 1 pound during my vacation week. I think the key was that since I wasn't around food like I am at work it was on my mind less and therefore I ate less. At the end of the week I went shopping for some dresses and jeans at TJ Maxx. I was so excited when I realized I can wear an XL dress and 16 jeans now! That mean's I no longer have to shop in the plus size departments/stores! Anyone who has ever been where I am knows how much of a big deal that is. Size is just a number, but not having to shop in the "fat girls" section anymore is AWESOME!

So after that little victory I decided to try on this little black dress that has been hanging in my room as motivation for months. I had bought it off eBay years ago and it never fit since apparently Japanese sizes are WAY different then American sizes (makes sense in hindsight). I zipped it up, and it fit perfectly. I was so happy I cried. I literally welled up with tears and cried while I was looking at myself in the mirror. I can't believe after all these years of hanging in my closet or from my curtain rod I can finally wear this dress. I can't wait to have somewhere to wear it!

The rest of my week included a nice day at Colt State Park, mini golf, smoking hookah, playing Arkham Horror with a group of dorks (love you guys!), and breakfast and a day by the pool with a friend I hadn't seen in years. It was great to catch up and try to remend a friendship I had destroyed by being distant and too caught up in my relationship at the time to keep the friendship going.

I finished the week off on Friday with girls night! We went to Centro Martini for drinks and appetizers then went to see Magic Mike. The food and martinis were awesome but the movie, not so much. I know the main objective of the movie was to attract horny swooning ladies by getting a bunch of hotties to dance around on stage. And that part of the movie was great, but the story line sucked and the dancing got old after the first 30 minutes or so. Don't get me wrong, I loved watching Channing Tatum thrusting and gyrating on the big screen but it was not worth the price of a movie ticket.

Saturday I got to watch 2 local singer songwritters perform in a friends back yard. It was a gorgeous night and the music was great. Yesterday I got to take part in the first step of the beer brewing process. Luckily the guy I was helping knew what he was doing because it was pretty involved. I'm excited to see what the finished product is going to be! It makes me want to make my own wine or something now.

So yea, that was a lot of stuff to squeeze into one entry, but I just couldn't get myself to stop living life long enough to sit down and type until now! And now I have a crap load of chores to catch up on since I slacked all week. But that's what vacations are for!

Summertime and the Living's Easy

Camping was fun!

We went to Burrlingame in Charlestown, RI. A place I've spend MANY weekends drinking illegally around a camp fire. I actually enjoyed the veggie dogs I brought (though they definitely didn't taste like hot dogs) and resisted bacon cheeseburgers and bacon pizza! I did however have a giant pixie stick (talk about a sugar rush) and a Looney Toons push up ice cream thing (2012's version of the Flintstones push up ice cream. Remember those?! My favorite as a kid!) But everyone knows being the woods make you burn more calories, right?

The first day we just hung around and set up camp. It was too hot to do much else. I gave Lillie a pig's ear and she decided to bury it in the leaves with her nose. Too cute.

Saturday involved Allison and I ambushing the boys with water guns filled with ice cold cooler water (they didn't care as much as we had hoped),

Packin' heat!

 tie dyeing clothing (and my hands. And legs. And feet... Oops.),

Everyone's shirts

My shirt!

My hand

kayaking, and an awesome game involving throwing two balls on a string at a stand with three horizontal poles at different heights. (I can't remember the name to save my life. Something with the word golf in it? But it was really fun!) When we went kayaking we went down this cool little river hidden in the back of the Watchaug Pond behind a bunch of tall grass. It was narrow and winding. We were surrounded by various types of vegetation towering over our heads and beautiful water lilies in full bloom. It was awesome!

When we got back to land I decided to see if Lillie would go into the water. She's been to the beach with me before but had never shown much interest. So I walked her into the water with me and she went for it! As soon as she couldn't reach the ground anymore her doggy instincts kicked right in and she started to swim! (I was such a proud mommy!) Then she immediately turned around with her eyes bugging out of her head and a look of pure terror on her face. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen! I really wish I had a camera! That sounds mean but she was happy as a clam (where does that expression come from?) once she could touch the ground again. Anyone would be terrified their first time swimming! Between that and two walks that day she was one tired pup by the end of the day!

Lillie's passed the F out!

It was great to get away and clear my mind and I'm so glad Lillie was so well behaved and really seemed to love it. Of course as soon as I came home my head almost immediately became clouded with the same crazy negative thoughts and feelings I'd been hoping a few days away would rid me of. If only it were that easy. I don't like what I have become lately. Insecure, needy, negative and lonely. I hate that I let one person determine my own sense of self worth. I thought I was past that. I carry on as I always do, living my life, but my mind hasn't been a healthy place. I think some time in seclusion is needed.

Anyway! Lillie and I both cruised home in desperate need of a bath and shower with the windows down and the radio up. It was a beautiful weekend to be outside!

I may not look happy but I was just trying not to crash. Hah

From Foxwoods into the Woods!

Well, it's been a while...

Since my last post I reached my half way goal of losing 50lbs, then gained 2lbs back while at Foxwoods...
I started a 6 week work out program using my Biggest Loser DVD and stopped after day 2... (I'm going to start again Monday! I swear!)
And now I'm getting ready to go camping for the weekend and am determined to do better then I did at Foxwoods...

(I say this as I am drinking a 7.5% Alc/Vol craft beer called "Little Sumpin' Sumpin' Ale". My first of 6 craft beers I splurged and got as part of a Mix-a-6 to kick off my vacation in styyllle! It's yummy!)

Yay vacation beer!

So, lets talk about Foxwoods. I had every intent of sticking to a healthy eating routine as much as possible while there. I stayed up late the night before and made whole wheat blueberry muffins made with Stevia! I figured those could be my breakfast in the mornings so at least I know ONE meal would be healthy. Well, they tasted like SHIT. So I brought muffins from work, which have about 1200 calories in them. (I may be exaggerating a little, but I do know they have at least 50 grams of fat! Think of that next time you grab a muffin at the grocery store or bakery!!)

I also brought some healthy snacks, which I actually did eat, so that was good. But other then that I drank my face off enjoying martinis, bloody Marys, beer, and screwdrivers, ate fried calamari and even had a bacon grilled cheese with fries. (The 11am screwdrivers and bloody Marys made me do that one). Oh and I also ordered a slice of RED VELVET CHEESECAKE from Juniors. OMG! I don't care if that alone made me gain 3lbs, it was totally worth it! Quite possibly the best dessert I've ever eaten!

View of the pool from my hotel room

Pool and awesome VIP area I couldn't sit in!

 All that aside it was a wonderful trip. I enjoyed some yummy Asian cuisine on Sunday night, spent the day at the pool on Monday (where I learned 3 applications of SPF 45 sunscreen STILL isn't enough for my Casper complexion) then had an amazing experience at the Norwich Spa at Foxwoods. They give you a locker and key where you can keep all your belongings and supply you with a robe and slippers. You have access to a sauna, hot tub, pool, showers and everything you'd need to get ready after a day of pampering. I started with a 50 minute Swedish massage, followed by a 25 minute express facial and then an express pedicure. I was so relaxed and rejuvenated when I left! That was my reward to myself for losing 50lbs. It's the best gift I've ever given myself! I highly recommend that spa if you are ever staying there! (I get offered free nights at Foxwoods pretty frequently. If anyone ever wants to go for a spa/girls trip, I'm down!)

Ready for dinner after the spa!

oops..

 So, what do I plan to do differently when I go camping this weekend? For one I have complete control over what I eat and drink since I'm the one packing my supplies. I bought Portabello Mushroom Garden Burgers which I plan to put tomato sauce and provolone cheese on (I don't want to feel deprived, but make better decisions), veggie dogs (I'm a little scared to try those!), turkey bacon instead of regular for breakfast, light wheat buns, I'm going to make my healthy greek pasta salad, bring baked chips and to drink (besides lots of water since it's supposed to be in the 80s and 90s. Boo!) I'm making Crystal Light Lemonade to drink with Sweat Tea Vodka. That way I avoid extra calories by using a sugary mixer. Hopefully I won't get weak and chow down on a bacon cheeseburger or something... I'll let you know how all of that goes when I get back.

For now I have to start packing and cooking and making lemonade for tomorrow. I'm excited to get to go kayaking again! So much to do! At least this fancy craft beer and The Beatles will make it a little more interesting. And I don't have to go back to work until next Friday! Woooo-fucking-who!

Almost Halfway There!

I had a great weight loss week! Down 3lbs! I'm so glad I'm back on track again. I'm 2lbs below my weight at the end of the biggest loser, and I'm only 2lbs away from my half way mark! I can definitely reach that by next Friday. I didn't stay within my calories every day, but I did exercise 5 out of 7 days and I think that's been the key. I am always going to struggle with food, but if I can get myself to exercise more, that will be a huge help. I'll be burning more calories and when I feel better I want to eat better. Somehow macaroni and cheese doesn't sound very appetizing (I never thought I would say those words!) after a hard work out. It also felt great to be sore for a few days. Not so sore I couldn't move, but enough that I knew I was doing things right.

Attention: Woman sensitive information. Men, read at your own risk..

I don't know about all you ladies out there but every month I get horrible back cramps with my period. They only last a day or so but I haven't been able to find anything that takes the pain away. But this month, after exercising almost all week before it started, I had NO cramping at all! Not in my abdomen or back. Now in the past my exercise has been doing cardio on the elliptical and some weight machines but lately I've been doing strengthening and sculpting classes, zumba, yoga...and for some reason it prevented any uncomfortable days come my period. (well besides being over emotional and needing chocolate. but hey, one thing at a time) I was shocked! So there yet another reason to get moving!

 

Right now...I really want a cupcake. A big sweet delicious cupcake with a yummy surprise filling baked fresh from a local bakery, preferably from Sweet Indulgence. I bought one of their red velvet cupcakes at the women's expo...OMG it was heaven in a cute little box. I wonder what time they open... 

(great weight loss blog, Stacy...)

On a different topic, I was finally brain washed by all the radio commercials for Ovation Cell Therapy and ordered the hair care system. I just got it in the mail yesterday and used it last night. I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

Today my plan is to take Lillie for a walk down to the water, build a fire pit in my backyard and do some grilling and beer drinking. Hooray for days off!

Exploration & Acceptance

Well, I finally made it to a yoga class. It's something I've been talking about doing for years. There weren't many people in the class, and it was obvious they'd all been doing yoga for a while, so I was slightly intimidated. Also, the yoga class came immediately after "Total Body Melt" (also my first time taking the class) which was a strengthening and sculpting class so my legs were shaking before yoga even started. But I did my best. It was harder then I thought it would be. I have a lot to learn as far as poses and proper form go and I had to modify a lot of the position but over all I don't think I did so bad. I really need to build up my core strength as that seems to be where I had the most difficulty but I was surprised at how flexible I was compared to some of the more experienced yoga goers. Although I have a lot of room for improvement in both classes I was genuinely surprised I did as well as I did in both and I plan on going back to those classes and continuing to try new ones until I find my favorites.

Since I took that one kickboxing class I've been wanted to try everything! I was always so afraid to take classes because I didn't want people to judge me for being over weight and out of shape. Now I feel even if they are judging me, I don't give a fuck. This is my journey of self discovery and growth and if you're such a miserable person you need to judge others to feel better about yourself then I feel sorry for you. So there!

Also since that kickboxing class I've been motivated to stay on track with my eating and exercise. (hooray!!) I've back to religiously tracking my calories with my handy My Fitness Pal app (even if I go over, the key is to be aware of what I am putting into my body) and redrew the chart I used to have on the dry erase board on my fridge. With it I check off and track the following daily:

• Morning Stretch
• Evening Stretch
• Within Calories
• # Alcoholic Beverages (goal is 0 or minimal on nights out)
• Time Spent Exercising (30 minutes a day is ideal)

They are small manageable goals and a way to remind myself to do them every time I walk by or open my fridge. Sometimes I think, "Oh yea! I forgot to stretch!", or it will get my butt out the door to take Lillie for a walk, or make me rethink what my snack may be. I need constant reminders and motivation to keep myself on track. When I'm doing well it feels great to look at the chart and see how well I've been doing. And when I'm not doing well it'll get me to try harder. Like, "Alright, I haven't exercised in 3 days, I have to AT LEAST do a little something." It's also where I keep track of how much weight I've lost and draw myself little smiley faces or write notes to keep my spirits up on a down day. It's funny how a little thing like a dry erase board can make such a big difference.

I wish I had written about this when I originally thought about it because now I can't remember what it was in reference to but from time to time something happens and I think about how the same situation may have effected me last year. It amazes me to think of how completely different my frame of mind is. Everything was so over whelming, I was so fragile and insecure the most innocent comment would send me into a whirlwind of negative thoughts ending in endless tears. I know I've said this before but I can't believe I'd lived SO long this way! I think to myself all the time, is THIS what it feels like to be a normal happy person? 

At the end of the yoga class today the instructor read a passage about being disconnected with ourselves. I wish I remembered it better, or knew what she was reading from but the main message was this,  

The disconnection we feel with our inner selves causes us sadness and loneliness and causes us to try find happiness outside of our selves. We look for relationships that will complete us, make us whole and that will never truly work. But once we discover who we really are and are able to reconnect with that person, happiness will follow, no matter what the outside circumstances may be. 

It's so true. I know myself better now then I ever have, and it makes life so much easier when I am secure and content with who I am. Am I entirely happy with all aspects of my life? No. Am I happy and confident 100% of the time? No. Do I have personal things to work on? Yes. But at the end of the day I AM happy with who I am and have faith that everything that happens in life teaches me something and in the end everything is going to work out the way it was meant to.

That's my piece for the day. I'm going to spend the rest of this chilly rainy day wearing sweatpants, watching One For the Money and reading Catching Fire. Life is good.

The Perfect Day Off

  Kayaking is awesome!!

Where we put the kayaks in

As you can tell by the heading, I went kayaking today! I did a bit of canoeing as a kid with my dad and at summer camp, and I even went sea kayaking in Hawaii (it didn't go well. I got sea sick and lost my lunch in the pacific ocean and got so sun burned I couldn't wear a bra the rest of the trip) but this was my first local kayaking trip. I'm happy to say I didn't get sick or flip over, I only ran into a few rocks and the SPF 85 sunscreen I applied saved me from a sunburn! (except for a big patch on my back I apparently missed) I had a great time! 

An attempt to get a shot of the cascading water

 Luckily my friend has been kayaking for years and knew a good place to bring a newbie such as myself, the Pawtuxet River. We put the kayaks in the water in Hope and paddled up to the Situate Reservoir. At the end of our journey there were large rocks with cascading water, similar to something you would see in NH. I didn't even feel like I was in RI anymore. You can't really make it out in the picture because the lighting was all wrong. But it was beautiful, just take my word for it!

I'd forgotten how much I love the outdoors. It's so quiet and peaceful, and even the ugly parts of nature are somehow beautiful in their own way (except for maybe the bugs). It was the perfect weather too. Mid 70's and sunny with a calm breeze.

At the end of our journey by the cascading water

I didn't dare take my phone out to take pictures while I was in the kayak but we saw a couple cute little ducks quacking away and a swan family. The papa swan warned us far in advance not to mess with his family, swimming at us with his wings raised in a dominant threatening way. I was a little scared, I'm not gonna lie. You don't mess with swans! Down the river a bit the baby swan was watching mama fish for dinner. It was magical! (maybe magical is a little over dramatic, but it was pretty frickin' sweet)

Today was also weigh in day. I lost 2lbs this week, so I'm only 1lb away from being where I was 6 weeks ago. Hah! Either way I'm at the milestone of 45lbs lost again! 45 fucking pounds! That's like, 9 bags of sugar! Luckily I still have plenty of sweetness to spare ;) I passed on the temptation of getting a sandwich somewhere after kayaking and made myself a nice healthy pasta dish with broccoli and chicken. Yay me! And for dessert, chocolate peanut butter cup frozen yogurt in a waffle cone! I think I burned enough calories today for that. :)

Food & Boys. My Two Favorite Things!

 I finished my garden! (Minus a small corner because I had run out of newspaper. Again!) It needs some more plants, but it's a huge improvement from what it looked like before I started working on it. I wish I had taken a "before" picture.

Tex-Mex Turkey Burrito

Last weekend was a big 3 day weekend for everyone, and I spent a good part of all three days at work. Hooray! That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself however. Friday night after finishing laying down the mulch, a friend and I made dinner and watched Water for Elephants. It was a great movie!! I want to read the book now. For dinner I wanted to make something healthy so I made Tex-Mex Turkey Tacos! The recipe calls for beef, but I chose to use turkey. And the only tortillas I had were 12 inch so they were a little bigger then a taco, but still delicious! Yum! I've been putting the left over mix on top of lettuce and eating it for lunch.

Greek Pasta Salad

 Sunday I went to a cookout and had far too much to drink. I paid for it dearly during my entire 9 hour shift on Monday. But I got to make my favorite pasta salad and everyone seemed to love it. I'm glad I remembered how to make it since I never write any recipes down. I used wheat pasta, fat free feta and light olive oil and vinegar dressing. Pasta salad without all the heavy mayo? Yes please. (I'll just pretend I didn't wash it down with a couple cupcakes)

Today I tried Zumba for the first time. It was fun, and quite a work out, but boy did I feel silly. I had two left feet, my arms were flailing around and yea, it wasn't pretty. I definitely caught on to kick boxing much easier, but I'm not going to give up. It'll get easier as I learn the moves. Tomorrow I'm going kayaking! I can't wait. It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time and a friend has an extra one so we're going to go out on the Pawtuxet River tomorrow. I better go buy sunglasses and sunscreen in preparation...

I'm thinking of joining an online dating site thing. I've always had a negative opinion of them but the majority of single guys I know now are either too young, unmotivated, douche bags or just...not right for me. I don't know how else I'd really meet anyone. I'm certainly not interested in trying to find anyone through the bar scene and all of my friends are married, engaged or living with their bf or gf. That doesn't leave me with too many avenues to explore. I don't NEED a relationship but it would be nice to feel crazy about someone again and know they're crazy about me too. A friend, a lover, someone to enjoy life with. I'm not in a rush I just think maybe I should be putting forth some effort instead of expecting someone to fall in my lap. Meh...we'll see.

On another note, I've been taking much better care of myself. My eating is still on and off but I started stretching everything morning and night again and really want to try new forms of exercise. Even just stretching makes a huge difference in how I feel. I'm not as stiff and achy and I just feel younger. It's amazing how 5 minutes twice a day can make such a huge difference. Tomorrow I weigh in and I'm hoping I'll be back to where I was at the end of the Biggest Loser competition. I'll try to remember to write tomorrow about my kayaking trip and weigh in.

Kicking Ass All Day Long!

Today was pretty awesome.

My newspaper garden

I was determined to finish my garden and step one was to cover everything in 4-5 layers of wet newspaper. My friend Chris had given me 15-20 Providence Journals thinking that would be more then enough. Well, it ended up taking an additional 23 on top of that! What a friggin' pain in the ass! My hose conveniently leaks from the spigot in two places and from a spot in the hose itself making it pretty much useless, unless my goal is to make a muddy swamp next to my house (which it isn't. maybe a moat would be cool though...) so I had to get buckets of water and wet each section of news paper one at a time. Uck!

I gave up when I was still a few feet away from the fence because I had to get the mulch down before I had to leave for kickboxing class. That went much more quickly and easily. But alas, I didn't have enough of that either! The 8 bags I bought only covered about half of it. GAH! I hope I can find the same brand tomorrow so it's all the same color. I just dumped more buckets of water on the remaining exposed newspaper (I bet my neighbors are thinking "What the fuck is that crazy lady doing in her garden?!") because if it blew away in the night I think I would have a nervous break down. No lie. Tomorrow it will be done and look awesome!

After a hard days work, and before a tough workout I made myself baked salmon and had is with my leftover quinoa salad and some organic baby greens. Amazingly delicious and healthy!

 

Kickboxing class was awesome! I took it at Evolutionary Sports in West Warwick. It's something I always wanted to try but was always too afraid to do. I figured I'd be so out of shape I'd make an ass of myself and people would look at me like I'm pathetic. But a friend's sister got me to go with her and it was a great experience. There were all fitness levels and ages there, the instructor explained everything and I didn't feel intimidated or judged at all! I guess the instructor went easy on us tonight, but I think I could have handled a bit more intensity. Maybe... I'm looking forward to going back. It's going to be fun to punch and kick out my aggression! Mwahaha! I highly recommend it.

I haven't felt this good in months! (Uh, maybe that's because you got exercise Stacy! DUH!) Tomorrow I scrub the deck then power wash it, and finish the garden. Hopefully I won't be completely useless between the back breaking gardening (if you could call it that) and kickboxing class.